He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I could fuck to npr.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
