It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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