In the future we'll all be gay
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
