Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
