My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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