I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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