She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
