The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
