every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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