I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
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