so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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