New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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