I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
