apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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