I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
