it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
