I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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