Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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