I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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