champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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