if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How does one acquire holy water?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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