when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
