i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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