in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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