Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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