You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We are all done wearing pants today
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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