Whod you bang
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
