in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
