Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
