I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
