so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
