I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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