Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
