and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
