worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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