I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
