btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
