OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm drive I can fine osifer
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
