No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
