theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
