it's not cheating when I paid for it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
