what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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