why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
