We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
