Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
