ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
