if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
