i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
