That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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