Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
